Why Did It Take a Pandemic to Connect Us?
Walter Bennett
With shelter-in-place orders, the boundaries of physically present social interaction have withdrawn so severely that they have laid bare some realities that have been buried under layers of false connection.
As I view the social landscape around me during the COVID-19 crisis, I am both greatly pained and prayerfully optimistic. It is now so apparent how feeble and tenuous (or non-existent) our connections with those in our most immediate presence—our next-door and down-the-street neighbors—really are. As churches respond to the socio-economic impacts of COVID-19, there are sudden movements across the country and around the world to reach out to our neighbors. This is the part that gives me prayerful optimism. The part that pains me greatly is that we should have been doing this all along. I imagine what this pandemic would have looked like if we already had established deep relational connections with all of those living in our immediate surroundings. If we already knew the names of each family member, their occupations, the grades their children are in, their struggles, their hopes, and their dreams … how much more immediately could we have reacted to the fallout that is occurring all around us? How different would the experience be if we had already been praying for and with our neighbors? How different would their current experiences be if they had a deeper understanding of the character of God as reflected through us—even if they had not yet accepted Jesus Christ as their savior? How differently would they view what is happening around them—and how much more profoundly would they see the inner peace that their Christian neighbors have during the storm?
As I mentioned above, I am prayerfully encouraged by all of the attention churches are now giving to building stronger connections with our neighbors. I am also praying that this is not just a situational knee-jerk-do-the-right-thing-in-the-moment moment. I pray that it is instead a wake-up call to a different way of living. An embrace of the call that all Christians are under to reach out to the lost wherever they are—even the ones across your backyard fence.
This neighborly-ness should not be (forgive me) hell-bent on immediately pressing the Gospel onto everyone we encounter on our socially distanced walk around the neighborhood. It is something that should be driven by a genuine love of those whom Jesus loves. It should be a gentle escalation of conversations centered on discovering who our neighbors are and what their interests, joys, and fears consist of. We should be listening for cues in conversations that present opportunities for us to share our life experiences—particularly those that involve God’s work in our lives.
It just occurred to me as I am writing this, that in general, the Church has been sheltering-in-place, at least in America, for decades. We have been engaging in relationships within the church, pouring into friendships with Christians, spending time in our bible studies and home groups—and keeping ourselves socially distanced from non-believers. We wait for someone else to bring them to church or to have a spiritual conversation with them. Now that we can’t come together on Sundays other than online, we are forced to spend more time physically in the presence of all of our unsaved neighbors and we are in agony because we cannot come together every Sunday in our church shelter.
But back to the trail I originally was headed down, how do we make sure that we capitalize on this opportunity (yes – opportunity) to do things differently moving into a post-COVID world?
It begins with understanding what it really is to be a good neighbor in the context of Christianity. First and foremost, everything we do to build relationships with our neighbors needs to be driven by love. If the only reason you reach out to your neighbors is because your pastor told you to, then don’t waste your time. Spend your time instead praying that God would fill you with the love that He has for your neighbors. When you begin to see your neighbors the way God sees them, then you can turn your attention to building relationships with them.
Once our heart is right, I believe that if we are to truly follow in the footsteps of Christ, we must go beyond normal neighborly expectations. I recently listened to a researcher being interviewed on the radio. The conversation was centered on what businesses must focus on to retain clients through the COVID-19 crisis and the following recovery. The researcher cited statistics on customer loyalty as they are impacted by customer experience. Specifically, there was a focus on the distinction between satisfaction and surprise. The data on loyalty of those who had been surprised was multiples higher than those who rated their experience as satisfactory or even as good or excellent. Over 90 % of those reporting that they had been surprised went on to actively promote the provider to their friends and family. For those who reported merely an excellent experience, this percentage was in the teens.
So, what does this mean to us as we begin to build relationships with our neighbors? Well, as Christians, if we are to stand out from the general population (as scripture says we should), we should lean into that with every opportunity. We should actively seek ways to surprise our neighbors. As an example of what that might look like, let’s explore two different possibilities for reaching out to a neighbor. In the first case, what if I took a plate of home-baked cookies to my neighbor across the street? Well, that’s a good thing—right? I took time to bake the cookies, I made sure I made enough to share, and I walked across the street to deliver them. Bravo me! But what if … I was returning from a business trip and while I was in the airport a display of metal car models caught my eye as I was passing one of the stores in the concourse. As I stopped to look more closely, I saw that there was one model in particular that was a replica of the first car my neighbor across the street ever drove—a 1969 Corvette convertible. I take the car off the shelf, pay for it at the register, and stow it away in my carry-on. The next day, having arrived home, I called my neighbor and asked if he had a few minutes and if it would be alright if I came over. I make the short trip across the street and present him with the model I had picked up at the airport.
Of these two scenarios, which one would you say has the element of surprise? Well, the first possibility is one of the oldest clichés of neighborliness. While I would never discourage anyone from sharing baked goods with neighbors, I would strongly encourage you to go deeper. The second scenario is certainly one that would be surprising to almost anyone. The thing is, if I hadn’t been intentionally building a real relationship with my neighbor across the street, I never would have known how much that model car would mean to him. If I didn’t have love for this neighbor – if he were just a project, I wouldn’t have subconsciously been keeping him on my mind enough to notice the car display as I passed by.
Recently, Tom Green (one of the pastors I work with and the Outreach Influence Team Leader for Shoreline Church) was trying to take advantage of the shelter-in-place situation to connect more deeply with all of his neighbors. He spent a few days intentionally walking the neighborhood when his neighbors were out either walking or working in their yards. He would stop at every opportunity and try to have a conversation beyond passing pleasantries. He ended up being very discouraged at how closed off some folks were. Fortunately, Tom is absolutely relentless and so filled with love for the lost that he does not accept this seeming defeat. As he and his wife Jill brainstormed ways to connect more deeply, they hit upon a brilliant plan. As it happens, Tom has several good friends who own restaurants—one in particular who owns a pizza place. He had recently had a conversation with this gentleman who had been commenting on how he was trying to keep his employees in the shelter-in-place, but business was off so much that he wasn’t going to be able to do it much longer. Remembering this conversation, Tom called him up and asked if it would help if he ordered enough pizzas that he and Jill could personally deliver one to every one of their neighbors. The restaurant owner was so grateful that he provided the pizzas at cost just so he could keep his employees on for another day. When Tom and Jill went on their delivery rounds, maintaining appropriate social distance at all times, even the most closed-off neighbors were welcoming and began opening up. They made more progress in building relationships through that one surprising act than they had in the previous 8 years of living in that neighborhood.
As we seek to build true, deep relationships with our neighbors, we need to accept that it will be harder with some than with others. A few years ago, Pastor Adam Barr who leads Peace Church in Middleville, Michigan was visiting Monterey with his family. One of the days they were here, we joined them at a beach with our kayak. The beach we went to was outside of Monterey Bay so it tends to have a little more active surf. It took us several attempts to pilot the kayak beyond the breakers. There were even a few times being swept off of our feet and tumbling along as the waves carried bodies and kayaks back the way we came. But with grit and determination we were able to get beyond the waves and from there it was a smooth ride. Sometimes building relationships with our neighbors can look very similar. There is a layer of superficiality that we need to wade through. Sometimes there are past experiences that keep people bottled up and distant. But if we persevere with love and occasional surprises, we will reach the calm waters of deeper relationships that lie beyond the breakers.
