Neighboring - The Dark Side
Walter Bennett
If you are on any of the same e-mail lists and subscribe to some of the same feeds as me, at this point, you are probably overwhelmed and on the verge of “Neighboring Exhaustion.” This is entirely understandable. During the pandemic, and shelter-at-home / don’t-shelter-at-home / wait… shelter-at-home-some-more, Christians are being urged from all directions to capitalize on the moment, to set ourselves apart from the world by drawing near to the world, beginning with our own neighbors (both physical and metaphorical). I even participated in this barrage of encouragement a few months ago with an article in this newsletter about what this “Good Neighboring” looks like.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I think all this emphasis on doubling down on what we should have been doing more intentionally all along is great. It is needed. It is necessary. But…
So far, most of what I have read (and written) paints a picture of drawing more deeply into meaningful relationships with those in our “neighbor” sphere. They generally focus on the positive benefits of being able to share our faith in myriad ways through word and deed. But there is a dark side. The reality is that once we roll up our sleeves and accept this challenge, we will be immersing ourselves in a world of deep hurt, anguish, and despair.
It was a Tuesday night, about 9:30 pm, and I was up alone watching TV. Because I am an early riser, I usually wind up in bed by 9:00, but for some reason, I was a bit restless. My wife had already retired for the evening and my daughter was out with a friend, so I decided I may as well stay up until she returned home. It was a warm summer evening, so our front door was open, secured only by a magnetic screen to keep the bugs out. As I was sitting there, I heard the screen part and a voice in halting conversation. I assumed it was my daughter returning home, but when I glanced at the entryway to the living room I was somewhat disoriented as I found myself looking at one of our neighbors four houses down and around the corner from us. She had come straight into our home with no knock, bell, or other warning. As I gathered myself and re-oriented, it was clear that she was very disoriented. It even looked like she might have taken a fall. She had been having a conversation with… no one, at least as far as I could tell.
I stood to ask her if anything was wrong and if we could help her in any way. She looked around, finally coming to some realization that this was not her home. I gently identified myself to her and clarified where she was. She had no recollection of how she had gotten there and was anxious over the fact that her dog was not with her and she had no idea where her purse and phone were. By this time, my wife had joined us, and we sat our neighbor down and got her some water to help her calm down.
"They generally focus on the positive benefits of being able to share our faith in myriad ways through word and deed."
We eventually got her back to her home and called 911 to have her checked out by the paramedics to ensure there was no danger that we were not able to detect. We left voice messages for her two children who were both out of state and then got her settled into bed and promised to check in on her first thing in the morning.
To make a long story not quite so long, we eventually found her phone and purse buried in a closet in her home underneath a vacuum cleaner. Her dog was in the house when we brought her home. We never found out exactly what happened that evening, but it had to do with medications she had been on in conjunction with a new medication that left her completely disoriented. As we have connected more deeply with her since that night, we have learned that there was/is a lot going on both physically and emotionally that led her to this dangerous scenario and we have been engaging with her to help her navigate through prayer and encouragement.
It was no coincidence that our neighbor happened to stumble into our home that fateful night—four houses away and around the corner. She was a regular attendee of our Firepit Fridays and had grown comfortable with our family. She knew that we were Christians and that we were constantly reaching out to our neighbors. I firmly believe that the Holy Spirit was laying the groundwork well in advance, knowing that this night was coming. We are thankful that we were there to help her navigate this terrifying night.
This is intended to be a cautionary tale. Not to warn you away from engaging with your neighbors, but to prepare you for the inevitable. The reality is that if we truly engage deeply with our “neighbors”, we will be crawling into the belly of the beast. Being a good neighbor is not all BBQs and toasted marshmallows. Regardless of how things appear on the surface, there is deep pain and anguish in people’s lives. When we open ourselves up and make ourselves available to our neighbors, we will inevitably be drawn into those other layers of their existence. And that is exactly where we need to be, empowered by the Holy Spirit, to offer our neighbors hope.
