Strangely, it seems we are living in a culture that is increasingly willing to pick up sticks and stones, break some bones, and become downright intolerant when certain perspectives are articulated or defended. This is especially true in matters of religion, gender, and sexuality. 

I will never forget my own experience with a group conversation that involved several college students and professors. We had been instructed by the event leader to hold a group discussion on a particular topic, expressing our views on the matter. Specifically, we were talking about the kind of language that is appropriate to use about God. One of the group members, a professor of education, articulated a view that, to my understanding, seemed out of step with Scripture. Her view was shared by others in the group. When my turn to speak came around, I simply shared my perspective and concluded, “From my perspective, we should let the Bible, not our perspectives, govern how we talk about God.” 

I was surprised by the professor’s response. Her face grew red. She was visibly shaking. Her voice was quavering with what I first thought might be sadness but realized later was rage. She said, “I feel like I’ve just been attacked.” Of course, I did my best to back off and cool down the situation. 

Looking back, I can honestly say that my words were gentle and non-confrontational. I am convinced that what was so angering was one thing: I shared my perspective and asserted that there was a standard, an authority that meant one of us was right and the other was wrong. 

In our post-Christian world, many people assume that “tolerance” means never suggesting that another person can be wrong about something. Some people even seem to think that if two people disagree on something important to each of them, then one of them is intolerant and therefore incapable of true friendship. 

Friends, we must learn to identify this trend in our own conversations. On one hand, we must have a loving, hospitable spirit like Jesus. No matter what someone else believes or what kind of lifestyle they choose to live, we must be open to them as people loved by God and made in his image. At the same time, we must beware of adopting the cultural attitude that insists that we can only truly show tolerance when we endorse other people’s beliefs or behaviors. That view is simply not true. 

Here are a few pointers: 

1. Lead with Love: Some people find it natural to highlight and confront areas of disagreement with others. This usually sends the signal, “We cannot have a relationship unless you agree with me.”
2. Speak without Fear: Sometimes, in the course of a relationship, we become aware of an area of disagreement. Such awareness can tend to make us nervous. If or when it becomes a topic of conversation, we can convey a gravity to the disagreement that is unwarranted. Instead, we should practice humbly sharing our perspective, especially if a matter of biblical truth is at stake. When we remember it is not our job to change another person’s mind, we adopt a new kind of approach. We simply become representatives of a truth that we did not invent! If our belief is rooted in God’s Word, then we are just fellow travelers trying to be faithful. 
3. End with Love: It is hard to overstate this. In an increasingly polarized world, people need to hear a basic message: It’s okay if we disagree. We can still love each other! 

Adam T. Barr (MDiv, ThM) serves as senior pastor at Peace Church near Grand Rapids Michigan. In addition to his work in the local church, Adam speaks and writes on Christianity and culture, helping followers of Jesus understand and apply God’s Word in an increasingly post-Christian society. His most recent book, Compassion Without Compromise, is available through Bethany House.