We are called to use our words to bless and build up. We model healthy leadership when we create a gossip-free culture in which relationships are restored by following Jesus’ teaching on reconciliation. So is there ever a time to express concerns? If we are loving toward others and never speak ill of them, how can we sharpen each other by expressing honest concerns? Is there a place for speaking the truth in love (Eph. 4:15) and sharpening those God has placed in our lives?

Leaders are called to speak the truth, but always in love. The problem comes when we err on one side or the other. When we speak the truth carelessly or harshly, our words might be true and even from the Lord, but they cut so deeply that the recipient can’t hear what we say. The other extreme is when we are so tenderhearted that we refuse to speak the truth when it needs to be expressed. Wise leaders learn to resist these two temptations. Loveless truth can be damaging. Tenderness that refuses to speak the truth is equally dangerous.

I am so thankful God has filled my life with people who, to make me more of the person God would have me to be, love me enough to speak the truth, but with tenderness. Three of the core staff members that I have served with at Corinth have the gift of a tender heart. Deb, Barb, and Ryan have always been quick to point out when I lack sensitivity or awareness of people’s feelings (and this is often). They do it gently, and once I hear their words and reflect on them prayerfully, I almost always agree and follow their counsel. My wife also plays an important role in helping me see when my attitude is poor or my actions are inconsistent with what God would have me do. God uses her words, almost daily, to awaken me to areas I need to grow in. I thank God for the people in my life who speak the truth in love to me. I am a better leader because of them.

When Corinth Church decided to develop a mentoring program to invest in the lives of emerging leaders, one result was that our leaders had to learn how to speak the truth in love. When Adam Barr came to Corinth, he was an amazingly gifted leader who also happened to be an administrative nightmare. (He would be the first to say he could not manage his way out of a paper bag.) We identified this weakness right away and spoke to him about it. Then I took him on a field trip with our other intern, Ryan. We went to Office Max and took a walk down the aisle where the planners were shelved. (This was before PDAs had come on the scene.)

I introduced Adam to the concept of keeping a detailed personal schedule of meetings, responsibilities, and important dates. We talked about planning. I came up with two mantras that I’ve used many times since then as we’ve mentored emerging leaders. The first one is, “Anyone can own a date book (PDA), but a leader knows how to use it.” The second is, “In ministry, every detail has a name attached to it. When you forget a detail, you forget a person.”