The Power of Listening to People’s Joys and Sorrows

Walt Bennett
Walt Bennett is the Executive Director for Organic Outreach International. Walt shares teaching and coaching responsibilities with Kevin and Sherry as well as overseeing all of our day to day operations including content and systems development, and church and international partnerships. Walt is located in the Houston, Texas area and leads that hub of our operations in addition to his overall organizational responsibilities.
I am often asked for more detail about what it looks like to build relationships with non Christians. Many people are just not sure how to engage in those relationships in a way that helps them to see Jesus, without just outright sharing the full Gospel with them as has traditionally been done. First of all, don’t get me wrong – ultimately we DO want to share the Gospel in one comprehensive conversation – when the Holy Spirit prompts us to and when we have a strong sense that they are ready to hear it and understand. It is the path from “Hello, I’m Walt…” to “Let me put the pieces together for you…” that is the challenge.
First of all, begin these relationships the same way you began all of the close relationships you have with others (Christian and Non). Begin by getting to know who they are. Listen to them and ask questions in the appropriate timing and cadence of the relationship. For example, on your first meeting it is probably not best to lead with asking them if they are a Christian or not (unless that was the very genesis of the first conversation), or to ask them if they have ever been divorced or been cheated on. You begin by asking questions about their family and where they grew up. Learning where they went to school, or their favorite movie/video/song/book/color/person/pet/….you get the picture – normal stuff. As a new relationship with non-believers moves along, pray for it. Pray for them. Ask the Holy Spirit to join you in this relationship.

As these relationships begin to go beyond the surface, you can start asking questions about how things are going in their daily life. How are the kids doing in school, what is the family (or what are they individually) doing over the coming weekend. As the relationship develops in this direction, you will have opportunities to share these same things about yourself with them. When you do, be sure to share about things related to your spiritual walk. For example, don’t avoid sharing things like going to church, or the amazing message you heard last Sunday, or the Bible study you are engaged in. Share about which of your kids you are most concerned about, or what class you are taking that is challenging you the most, or whatever recent blessing has brought joy to your life. Share things that you would normally ask people to pray for on your behalf, or that you would be praying and praising God for yourself. As you move into this territory, they will begin sharing similar things in their life. As you are sharing about your joys and sorrows, also share when you see God working in your life, whether it is to give you strength in the dark times, or to bring you joy through blessings and answers to prayer.
When you have moved to this point in a relationship, it should be no surprise to them that God and church are a big part of your life, and they accept it as part of who you are. This is when the real power of a relationship is unleashed. As you hear them share their joys and sorrows, look for opportunities to pray with them. I don’t recommend you just suddenly ask them to pray every time they bring up something in the conversation. That would feel kind of forced. Ask to pray for them when the Holy Spirit leads you to (assuming you are praying for the Holy Spirit to join you every time you have an opportunity to meet with this friend).
Through all of this, it is critically important that you do not see this person as a project. Instead we need to see them as a true friend – just the same as our Christian friends. As you truly seek to care about people, you will naturally encounter the deeper aspects of their life including the volatility of their experiences. Take these opportunities to share truth, lean into prayer, and show compassion on a person who is trying to understand the purpose of highs and lows in life. Listening to and participating in people’s joys and sorrows leads to opportunities to redirect purpose and praise to our loving, caring Father.
The reality is that you may not be there when The Holy Spirit determines it is time for this friend to hear the full Gospel and face the decision to follow Christ or not. But when you engage in relationships in this way, you will be moving them toward this ultimate endpoint. You will be making disciples just as we have been commanded to in Matthew 28, the same way that Jesus made disciples while He walked the earth.