My dad looked at me with genuine concern in his eyes. “Kevin, don’t ever smoke. It is bad for your health. It will shorten your life. As your father, I am asking you to commit to me that you will never start smoking.”

As he said this, my dad was holding a lit cigarette.

My dad was a three-pack-a-day Raleigh smoker. He bought cigarettes by the case. I watched him smoke all through my childhood. He would even take smoke breaks while playing tennis. The real irony is that by the time my dad warned me never to smoke, I had already tried it—with his cigarettes.

My dad also said, “Kevin, learn to love reading. A passionate reader has the whole world at their fingertips.”

He was always reading three or four books at one time. The nightstand next to my parents’ bed was always piled with novels, history books, science fiction, mysteries, and more. I became a voracious reader early in life, and to this day I am normally engaged in reading multiple books.

The lesson is crystal clear: The people we respect pass on patterns of action, attitudes, loves, and dislikes. We learn from what we see and the examples that are lived in front of us, sometimes without realizing it.

The same is true for pastors, board members, and other church leaders. The congregation we are called to serve and lead will often be formed by our example more than what we say. This is an incarnational ministry. We are called to reflect the heart of Jesus and the lifestyle of faith that our Savior set before us.

Pause and ponder this question: Would you want every member of your church to do personal evangelism with the same passion, intentionality, and effectiveness that you do? Be honest.

When was the last time you had an unbelieving friend or family member sitting next to you in the church because you prayed for them, reached out, and invited them? How long has it been since you shared the story of how you became a follower of Jesus with a spiritual seeker? When was the last time you communicated the story of Jesus’ life, death, and glorious resurrection with a nonbeliever who wasn’t from the pulpit or in a class? How much time do you spend in a normal week praying for people that you love who need to enter a life-saving relationship with Jesus?

Your example is impacting your church—for better or for worse.

Take these four steps today to increase your incarnational impact on the people in your congregation and others who are watching.

Examine Your Schedule

Most church leaders I know or train in evangelism are so busy with church stuff that they do not have time to engage with family members and friends who are still far from the Savior. We will never incarnate the heart and lifestyle of Jesus if we don’t have a rhythm of hanging out with lost people.

Take some time to look over your schedule from the last month. Be brutally honest. Have you played, hung out, shared meals, walked, talked, or spent meaningful time with nonbelievers? If you have, rejoice and pray that this pattern will continue. If you have not, look ahead at the coming 30 days and block out time to be with people in your life who need to meet Jesus. Then, make some calls or send a few emails or texts to set up a time to be with these people.

Once you have done this, take your church board, key volunteers, or staff through the same process. The first time I did this with the leadership team at Shoreline Church, I had to kick a pastor out of the church for a few hours each week because he had no connections with nonbelievers. Now he has regular outreach encounters because he actually has a life outside of the church.